In continuing with the honest humbug account of my life, as evidenced by the ongoing cluster fuck adventures of "The Stupefying Super Shero Of An Underdog World" --- I now cede the performance podium to Gypsy Barnum herself whose grammar and spelling isn't any better than mine despite her Shakespearean Bent. She however claims to have a more objective approach to The Premier Clown and main sideshow attraction of "The Greatest Show in Cyber Space." An Exobiological Extravaganza, which in essence covers "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know But Were Afraid To Ask About Close Encounters Of The Circus Kind".
It has been said, the story of a person's life begins long before they are born and in the case of "Kid Kraut" the radical road kill revolutionary --- truer words have never been spoken. As the much-despised "public enemy number one" of the NAACP (The National Association for the Advancement of Circus/Carnival People) Kid Kraut was at the mercy of Mama Corliani, "The Controller" who like Donald Rumsfeld killed the messenger because he didn't like the message. Likewise, her beloved Gypsy Granny was in a similar killing mood because of Kid Krauts repeated calls for regime change on Mama Corliani's Frontier Circus Wild West Show & Mystic Carnival Midway. However, like Hosni Muy Barbaric -- the plus sized sawdust and spangled wildebeest in control of the whole crooked operation also had a PHD in stubbornness and refused to step down. Like the Egyptian dictator, she started throwing her weight around and practicing emergency rule since the day she finally tipped the scales at four hundred. Unfortunately in our Tent City --- Liberation Midway Square -- we lacked the focus of the international media and experienced a blackout of both Facebook & Twitter -- not just because Mama Corliani cut off the circus generators to keep us in the dark but also because we were technologically challenged to begin with. Meanwhile as CNN Pundits speculated as to where, when and how the Domino Effect would take hold -- the CIA was as clueless to the Revolutionary Rumblings threatening to up end the Corliani Clans Mystic Midway as they had been to the fact that Egypt "America's Friend In The Middle East" was about to erupt in an unprecedented overthrow of their vile and despicable dictator. For this, the CIA is paid a half a trillion dollars annually, given unlimited expense accounts, state of the art spy technology, and a vast network of paid stool pigeons of The Patriot Act. With all that they cannot find Bin Laden either. He's six foot five --- has eleven sons and Allah only knows how many females in full body gunny sacks and a large family compound to accommodate the entire Muslim Majority. All they can do is accuse Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt of assisting Bin Laden in avoiding capture. Their idiotic rational being that by doing the kind of good works for which they have become known as America's most charitable celebrities, such works have discouraged would be terrorists from joining the ranks of America's most famous arch enemy, rendering him less visible to The Men Who Stare At Goats! Having misplaced their thinking caps they, like Mama Corliani, have to resort to the paranormal for inside information.
However, there was one obvious difference between the Egyptian Revolution that took place in the land of the Pharaoh's and the rebellion taking place in the LaLa Land of Mama Corliani's Sawdust and Spangled underworld. Specifically its ludicrous cast of characters and its location on Liberation Midway Square, which was strategically located between the Grease Joints, The G-Top, The Sideshow and the Menagerie. A set up which left room for the Grab Joints to make money on the blow off. Translated meaning the space-time continuum in which the crowd spills out of the Big Top after the performance to make their way to Kiddy Land and the Major Carnival Ride section where along with the Tilt A Whirl, The Himalaya, The Spider, The Zipper, The Zyclon, and yes, The Pirates of The Caribbean (The ride that gave rise to Johnny Depp's performance as Captain Jack Sparrow.) Hollywood and Disney have acquired some of their most profitable ventures by blatantly ripping off Kinkers and Carnies.
Then came the bonus attractions, like a Walk on the Wild Side of The Yellow Brick Road courtesy Mama Corliani -- the Wizard of Ooze who also doubled as the Wicked Witch of the Wild West, in whose Flim Flam City one was not likely to meet the Tin Man, The Straw Man or The Cowardly Lion. Instead -- you will meet some equally unique individuals whose motives are not nearly so benign or family friendly. Like "Shell Game Sheila." The drop dead gorgeous drag queen, all spangled, sequined, glittered and glamorous in her skin tight spandex, rhinestone push up bra, double set of false eye lashes, platform sky high heels and a feathered boa, that could tickle any man's fancy, and did … while she took them for all she could get. And of course "Odie Dodie" who sold decorative little art deco boxes with a prize in every box that was conspicuously empty. His excuse -- "what the hell, they get cute little boxes, what's the problem?" He constantly complained about the Casey Candy Company of Chicago Illinois who during intermission sold delicious boxes of Salt Water Taffy under the Big Top that really did have a prize in every box. "The Bastards are ruining me" he lamented, "They ought to be run off the lot." And of course no trip down Mama Corliani's Yellow Brick Road would be complete without a Tete A Tete with Tamara, The Tasmanian Half & Half who sold French Post-cards of Disney like characters in compromising positions in various scandalous scenarios of orgiastic ecstasy which --- talented as she was --- she actually hand painted herself after receiving her diploma via a mail order cartoon college. She was determined to show the world's biggest patent thief what can happen when you mess with the professionals.
Needless to say -- Mama Corliani's midway was as far removed from a Sunday School Circus, as any red light district is likely to get. Unlike that of her despised cousins and arch enemies the Christianity Family who, given their ridiculously obvious Christian name and Holier than Thou origins represented the other side of the Jeckle & Hyde family of Circus Aristocrats. The Christianity Family of World Famous Equestrian Icons and premiere practioners of The Big Top genre known as The Sunday School Circus. With their nose High In the Air and their "Airs Above The Ground, "their diamond encrusted tiara's and designer duds their Lamborghini's, their Mercedes, their Porches, were a constant irritant to Mama Corliani and a reminder of the need to sharpen her claws and replenish her Machiavellian bag of tricks whereby to bring about their downfall and put their face in the dirt where hers was usually located. All things considered, the rivalry between these two extended branches of the same family amounted to the Sawdust and Spangled version of the Hatfield's and McCoys. Big Top bystanders often placed bets on who was going to come out on top in their latest family imbroglio. In the meantime, the last incident to spark the flames of hatred and jealousy on the part of the Corliani's was the fact that the Christianity Family who, because of their Olympic connections and squeaky clean show biz shtick had passed the smell test with flying colors and so were the recipients of personal engraved invitations to the wedding of the century. Honored guests at the forth coming nuptials of Kate Middleton and Prince William.
Meanwhile back at the Ranch --- Rancho Notorious as Mama Corliani's Winter Quarters in Circus City was known, a bonafide American Patriot, who believed in the right to life liberty and the pursuit of happiness in whatever inappropriate manner that belief took her, a criminal Capitalista who believed in a classless society as envisioned by our Founding Fathers whose constitution supported equal justice under the law. Even for those of us who have no class. A person who robbed from the rich to give to the poor as long as she got the first cut off the top --- like she did on her Midway. A person who defended her right to bare arms, brass knuckles, knives, bats or whatever else it took to prevail. A person who believed in the power of one Mother of All Godfathers who stood ready willing and able to defend her country against any Mutha Fucka who might want to encroach on her territory. A woman who had conducted many a citizens' arrest. Citizens who were never seen or heard from again thereby saving the State considerable time money and effort. A woman who had officiated at untold numbers of same sex marriages and unlike "The State" had not rescinded a single one of them. A woman for whom 'Collective Bargaining" was as prohibitive as it was to the Billionaires Lapdog " Scott Walker," as well as to "Killer Coke" and "The Koch Brothers".
Sadly, such an upright sterling individual had never even so much as received that first invitation to The Kennedy Center For The Performing Arts -- much less been a Kennedy Center Honoree. Ironically -- often in attendance at this elitist congregation of the high mucky mucks of Americas movers and shakers ( like the ones who perform for a million dollars a pop each at Moamar Gone Daffy's parties) are untold numbers of Banksters, Stick Up Men, Ponzi Schemers and Wall Street Guru's for whom Greed Is Good as it is to Mama Corliani. "The Dracula Brotherhood of Super Blood Suckers" all of whom together engineered one the greatest transfer of wealth (otherwise known as heists) ever perpetrated not only in America but in the history of the world. None of whom but for the exception of Bernie Madoff who's just playing fall guy for the rest of them who have yet to be indicted much less serve time in the can. Which is why Mama Corliani adheres to her jaundiced philosophy of Juris Prudence that "The Law Is An Ass".
The moral of America's story of moral turpitude is that, if you can steal big enough and bold enough and bad enough -- it's a sure bet you'll get away with it! The law only concerns itself with penny anti-theft like Mama Corliani's whose illegal activity's amount to the kind of dollars that can counted by hand -- like votes, and that largely depends on who's doing the counting and on which side the obscene court favors. So, let's face it Suckers -- there is not now, nor ever has been, nor ever will be a Level Playing Field. In their rush to judgment, Revolutionaries the world over fail to consider what history has already proven. Revolutions won or Revolutions lost are a mere Marry Go Round of Musical Chairs with the same kind of Boss Hog sporting a different handle squatting on the Goose that laid the Golden Egg. Take the American Revolution for instance. Then Look at who's got all the goodies now.
Unfortunately, there is always some Smart Ass Fanatic, religious or otherwise who thinks they've got "The Secret" to fixing things. Like Kid Kraut, "The Road Kill Revolutionary". These are the kind of hypo manic idiot savants who end up being worse than the Dick Head Dictators they are determined to replace. So ultimately, it's not about whose right or whose wrong, Republican or Democrat -- nor whether we're an Empire or a Republic, nor is it even about whether we operate on the basis of Democratic Principles or Capitalist Greed. It's all about whose got their hand on the Joy Stick. Which begs the following question --?
Is that what Dan Rice had in mind when he threw His Hat in The Ring of His Greatest One Horse Show of the 19th Century by way of making his bid for the Senate, The Congress and The Presidency of the United States. Dan Rice being the most famous Clown, Circus Entrepreneur, Vaudevillian, Renaissance Man and Professional Patriotic American Candidate nobody ever heard of. The Sawdust and Spangled Star Attraction after whose signature costume and iconic demeanor "Uncle Sam" was patterned. Remember this guy? A close friend of President Abraham Lincoln, Dan Rice also campaigned for Zachery Taylor.
Dan Rice/Uncle Sam portrait
Yes, The Same Old Tired Uncle Sam Who Wants You! Again and Again and Again in the never-ending wars for God and Country for which his image stands.
Good Wars, Bad Wars, Undeclared Wars, Secret Wars, Oil Wars, Wars to End All Wars, Pre-emptive Wars, Terrorist Wars and Wars that are awash in dead and mangled Soldiers and Civilians. Likewise on the Home front, those who pay for wars they never had any choice in creating are left emotionally, psychologically, socially and financially drained. A bankrupt body politic of "Citizen Screwed" while the lunatics in control of the asylum are left with deep pockets chock full of American Treasure.
Call me picky, call me irresponsible, but I honestly don't think Dan Rice or the Big Top Boss in the Sky would approve. But then what the hell do I know. I'm just an Old Carney who goes by the name Gypsy Barnum, The Shakespeare of Madvertising and New Age Princess of Humbug.POST SCRIPT:
The excerpt you've just read is the first act of The Citizen Screwed website and is centered on the continuing SCI FI adventures of the SURREAL SUPERHEROES of a LOST KALEIDOSCOPE FRONTIER.
The second act of the Citizen Screwed website is devoted to the political psycho babble, confused ramblings & revolutionary rhetoric of the disenfranchised descendant the Time Traveling Super Heroes left behind. It also includes some historical facts and some "back story" of a maverick counter culture, the Al Fresco World of Entertainment which includes the likes of P.T. Barnum, Buffalo Bill and others.
The third act of the Citizen Screwed website yet to come, will be the providential contribution of a mystery celebrity & glitter dome icon who provides Box Office potential for this stupefying 3 Ring Circus, Sideshow & Wild West after Show described by the Father of Quantum Physics as .... "The Greatest Show In CyberSpace!"
FYI: "THE PROJECT" to be completely funded by : CAPTAIN OUTRAGEOUS aka TED TURNER
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